ARE WE MAKING PROGRESS IN MALE/FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS?

Several women of my generation, whom I admire for intelligence, independence and insight, have discussed with me how they view male/female relationships. They think they have to manipulate a man to get and keep him. Yes, they are women of my generation, but I am rather stunned when it comes from younger women who appear forthright and comfortable in their own skin.

The maneuvering is often to avoid issues that women fear might make men uneasy, like announcing your own needs and wants. Another is, even if she solves her own problems, making the man she aims for think that he solved her problem and suggesting that he is masterful and brilliant. She might try to make him feel that she is needy and dependent on his enormous abilities, and that she is much less informed about worldly matters.

What a burden to have to plan each day filled with pretense, constant editing of thoughts and creating outright lies. It is great to tell a man he is a terrific person and mean it – not as a ploy to get what you want. I would imagine that such behavior is addictive to an insecure man. The problem is that the deceit can never end. If the perpetrator of the game stops she may fear that her man will seek the “unconditional adoration” from someone else – many times that is exactly what happens.

The addiction to adoration is no different, to me, than any other addiction. Dealing with unending deceptions is that it has to be dredged up on a daily basis and near impossible to keep up indefinitely. Sadly, many times tying the knot will give a woman a rest from such tension, but it can be misinterpreted as a loss of interest.

It is best to be honest up front and to be yourself and not planting a false face all the time. Deserving compliments are very important. Deception is fatiguing. 

Copyright, Frances Metzman, Progress in Male/Female Relationships, 2018

The Creative Mind Is You (Final)

13. OBSERVE: In our everyday living we are often stressed and so much goes right by us. Sometimes even a very insignificant, ordinary moment may be a seed for ideas. Capture it, study it and see what comes out. Observe people, read, watch films and selective TV shows. Examine how the stories are plotted and what the themes are if you are interested in writing. If interested in the arts, watch body language and facial expressions. Take notice of their surroundings. How do the characters interact on a personal level? Life is stranger than fiction, and these stories are based on reality but exaggerated for effect.

 

14. STIMULATE: Your brain loves seeing new things so don’t limit it. Stimulate your mind by going to happenings at art galleries even if the works are not to your liking. Horror movies, anyone? (I personally can’t tolerate them) but it is eye opening. Perhaps visit comedy clubs, see foreign movies, documentaries and anything that has not been in your scope before. Do the same with your ears and listen to music you might not ordinarily be attracted to, but it might stir up new horizons.

 

15. THE SENSES: Think about all the senses – touch, sight, hearing, taste, and smell. Give them their due. It is here that an opportunity exists for new experiences that we might have overlooked before. By making ourselves acutely aware of our surroundings and utilizing the senses, we can unleash an entire world. Does the smell of soup cooking take you on a journey to the past? Does touching sandpaper take you back to when you helped your father fix something? Utilize the senses to unlock hidden memories or use as an introduction to a new sensation. Bells may go off in your head. It will be like a breath of fresh air wafting or soft breezes caressing out cheeks.

“AN ESSENTIAL ASPECT OF CREATIVITY IS NOT BEING AFRAID TO FAIL” —- Edwin Land

Images created by Cayla Belser