So, you’re older now. What’s up with body image? A few more wrinkles, body parts going south? I
overheard a man tell his wife to cover up her cleavage. He didn’t like to see wrinkly-skinned breasts.
Well, this doofus had a pot belly and drooping jowls. This is the type of man to avoid.
What we need to do is develop a healthy attitude toward this aging process and body image. Our bodies
all start changing beginning around our 40s and the changes just keep on coming. We may exercise –
which helps, eat healthfully – also helps. And it’s very good to participate in some athletic
regimen; workouts, jogging or minimal athleticism such as bocce or pickle ball. It’s not only good for
your body and mind but adds socialization as well. But we can’t nor should we worry about the
progression of time.
It’s more than a full-time job trying to be Barbie and totally unnecessary. I say flaunt those bodies not
resembling what many refer to as body-beautiful. Just having the attitude that you love your own body
and exude confidence in yourself people will more than likely focus on the positive and secure person
you are. Give them positive body language. Go with what you have and strut your stuff.
I knew a woman who was riddled with arthritis. In her 60’s she was diagnosed with Rheumatoid
Arthritis. For years she hung her head, kept her hands in her pockets and isolated herself. Then one day
at around 65 she snapped off the TV and had an awakening. Why should she care that her knuckles had
gnarled and she’d begun to shuffle. She had her mind that functioned beautifully but isolating herself
had flung her into an endless black hole of depression.
What did she do? First was a regimen of exercise at rehab and then gym where she met other people
who had various illnesses. They told her they were using exercise to stick a finger in the dam and many
were successful at staving off progression. Next, she decided to return to her old passion of dancing.
Some rolled their eyes when she told them her desire.
Ignoring the looks of doubt and pity, she threw herself into dance. She especially loved the cha-cha.
With each step, her back notched straighter until she threw her head back, and tossed her hair over her
shoulder. Her body rhythm was exquisite and the twinkle in her eyes beamed enough to light up any
room. It can’t cure the disease, but she felt great.
Don’t worry about what is age appropriate. Some ill-advised, invisible strata of society set the artificial
standards. Why be fooled by that? Wear those tights, maybe with a shirt that covers your butt, but I
think younger women might do that as well. Often, it’s what you can’t see that is most sexy
You like short dresses? Wear ‘em. You like to wear a thong under your clothes just in case you are seeing
that one and only? Then play that out. You don’t have to worry about a slope and a fold here or there
that’s going the wrong way. He’ll be more dazzled by the thong. That’s practically written into his brain
cells. It says to him, thong? Yummy sex.
Cleavage? Hell, go for it. Men are wild about breasts. From breast feeding days? Who knows! Wear
those boobs like they were the most gorgeous appendages anyone ever had. You own them. You have
the option to do whatever you want with them.
It’s fine if you want to cover them up and throw a scarf around your neck to abide by unwritten rules of
age appropriateness, but ask yourself why? It will only send out signals that you are ashamed of a few
lines and wrinkles. You’ve got it, flaunt it. Your body language will scream that there are no set
standards that we must live by as long as no one is hurt.
Dance to abandon. Someone told me my dancing was inappropriate. I wiggled my hips too much.
WHAT? It’s at this time of life I want to lose myself in Latin dancing and anything else. I’m not having sex on the dance floor. What the hell is inappropriate? Cha-cha till your body gives out and let’s hope it is for a minimum of an hour. Okay, I’ll give you half an hour.
You arrive at a time in your life when you shouldn’t care what people think about you or will say. You
have come into your own. You will dazzle the naysayers with your new found spunk. Puff your chest out
and walk with aplomb. You might have to grit your teeth at first, but it will soon feel right. You will
believe in your own hype.You are body beautiful beyond any boilerplate set by those we don’t even
know. Join me in a new reality. We can reconfigure unfairness of body shaming that is pressed upon the
female population.
It can be said that the younger generation would only gag at the sight of us parading our bodies around
like we owned them rather than falling into a stereotype. Let’s dig a little deeper.
Will younger people look at us askance when we are on the fast track? Let’s see what’s happening with
them and make some comparisons between the boomers ages-plus as opposed to the millennial
generation. How hot is the millennial generation? Turns out, not that hot. Research suggests that
millennials are having less, and less-satisfying sex than their baby boomer counterparts. There are many reasons; millennials are partnering up later, career advancements for women and the lessening stigma surrounding sex. Fiscal concerns like rising rent, lower wages, job seeking and college debt all are big-time concerns. But even all those factors don’t account for less sex by itself. Has ubiquitous porn,
swiping and hooking up replaced and stunted the social, conversational and intimacy skills that past
generations built up over time in pursuing the opposite sex? We can show the young whipper-snappers
a thing or two. Here are 5 things 20-somethings could learn from the baby boomers plus set.
Slow down! Yes, it helps to put down the phone and start talking, indulge in better
communication. But also slow down the act of sex. That extends the pleasurable feelings, and
you might have more fun. You might set a timer and you can’t move to the next “base” or body
part until the timer goes off.
Realize ghosting is nothing new. People have mysteriously stopped calling partners they were
casually dating for as long as dating has been a thing. But for women, overall, it carries more
weight when sex has already been introduced to the picture. Dropping off the face of the earth
after a few weeks carries more weight when you’ve had sex, as opposed to if you had only been
on a few movie/dinner dates as was more likely in the Boomer generation. By taking more time
before sex, Boomers created a buffer for emotional attachment took more time before sex.
Being “dumped” (as they used to call it) is less painful when you haven’t had sex. You don’t have
to change your behaviors if you like having sex early on, but recognize that it could be why
getting ghosted carries an emotional wallop.
Consider sex and commitment as relationship skills that take a little time to master. Yes,
looking for a casual sexual encounter is A-okay if everyone is on the same page. But if that isn’t
working for you, try a different tack. Boomers took more time to get to know the person they
took to bed. If you haven’t bothered to do the pre-sex getting to know you stuff, there is less
urgency to maintain the relationship after sex. After all, you hardly know this person. Consider
this perspective, and what you want out of your next encounter, and adjust accordingly.
Don’t be lazy. But what is there to think about? We’re both cute and cool and the chemistry is
hot! It’s plain laziness to satisfy your physical needs for the moment without thinking
any further. Like any other aspect of your life – work, friendships – it’s okay to be lazy once in a
while but if it’s your default mode there might be a problem. Yes, it’s a lot of trouble to dig into
yourself to determine your needs, wants and desire and then evaluate your potential partner’s
compatibility with those needs. But using your head as well as your body can payoff in greater
peace of mind.
Forget the finish line. Stop thinking about orgasms as the end goal, after which it’s time to go
our separate ways or flip through Netflix. Without companionship there is an empty space in
your emotional life. Your brain is a muscle and needs exercise and conversation face to face.
That to me, is the tread mill for your brain. With each new hollow encounter, the possibility of
loneliness increases if it turns out that’s not what you really want.
And while on the subject of loneliness, let’s take a peek into women’s friendships.
Women, tell your partners what you like. Men, accommodate these needs and do it with feeling and
sincerity! And, of course, men should expect the same. With some effort, you will be rewarded with the
luscious sensuality of naked skin to naked skin.
But if a couple comes to the act with hidden agendas that are not verbalized (and most times they do),
the stage is set for contention. How people make love tells reams about how they function in everyday
living.
Several mature women have said to me that now in their twilight years they’ve become celibate and
disinterested in the physical part of romance. They have had enough sex in their more youthful years to
last a lifetime. Hearing that got my antennae up in no time, and I found the radar waves flapping wildly
in the wind.
I had to think carefully about that concept because I don’t believe anyone who has had a fair amount of
sex in the past should stop because they are older. Losing interest in making love does not necessarily
come with aging, but more often it can come from predetermined concepts of appropriateness.
Sex/orgasms are like wine. You don’t stop imbibing a glass of wine with dinner as you age because you
did enough in your younger days. I don’t think I can say that I drank enough wine to last a lifetime and
now I’ll stop. Sex, like wine, should be an ongoing pleasurable event.
So, ladies, listen up! You don’t have to think you have become sexless and indifferent to romance. It’s an
old wives tale that has been placed in our brain from early childhood that it is inappropriate for mature
women to have or desire sex.
Do you gag at the thought of an older person in a hot, romantic relationship? Get over it! It’s a subject
I’ve dealt with in many of my essays and articles. If older folks dared to step away from the unwritten
rules of “age appropriate” you’d find a vibrant, exciting person who is still very curious and open about
life. Each time I think there’s a stage later in life where learning/seeing new things loses its appeal, there
is a big surprise. I lean into it eagerly and openly. What excitement to learn something new. .
NEWS FLASH: Mature people desire romance as much as younger people. For many, needs and desires
don’t dissipate. Why should they? It is adult fun and games and more exciting than video games. Maybe
mature romance does not duplicate all aspects of what once occurred in youth. Maybe sex takes place,
but it doesn’t necessarily have to. When it does, it’s slower perhaps a bit creakier backs with some
limited flexibility, but nonetheless intimacy is an aspect of mature relationships. Maybe it’s about other
sexual approaches or cuddling, hugging, and kissing with your one and only. Holding hands while
strolling along a thoroughfare, pinching a cheek, a warm kiss (even in public, heaven forbid) is all part of any romance and doesn’t exclude oldsters.
Here is the cry to all ages — find romance and cherish it. Treat it with care and love. If nothing else, it
might be the best medicine you can find. And if it’s not romance you seek, there are other means of
keeping socialization and good health part of your life. Friendships are as important as romance in your
life.
All through our lives, family is an emotional beacon, our ray of hope and love. On the flip side,
friendships are of the utmost importance as we need to give our children and/or grandchildren
breathing room without overburdening them with our problems. Their lives are super-busy. So how are
these gaps filled? As we get older, friendships become an important aspect of living. Without them, I
believe, we may mentally wither and die. The best ones are those that offer new adventures as well as
comfort and support.
Bonding through dance lessons, cards, social clubs, book clubs, art classes, whatever is your passion,
meet people with similar and dissimilar interests. Embrace your activities as though it is a life saver
thrown to you in deep waters. Find a way to abandon your stress and greet joy. Go to shows, happy
hour, smoke a bit of pot if that’s your inclination, find romance and/or simply attach yourself to people
who are on the same track as you. Don’t be a pouty, grouchy older person complaining about aches and
pains. Attend art lectures, book readings, lectures for your own entertainment.
Let’s hope you, and new and old friends, are not bound by outdated norms of age appropriate behavior.
These are unwritten laws dictating proper behavior of mature women. I don’t believe in this as long as
no one is hurt. Whatever background you come from you should try to deal with an unfortunate past by
looking into what has brought you to this place and then zooming past those trauma, finding new paths
of living. That includes making your own decisions and having your own opinions that are treated with
respect by friends.
There might be a desire to try to make amends with adult children. Or, hopefully, adult children making
amends with parents who inadvertently made mistakes in raising them – as we all have done. That’s a
track I want to follow.
Who doesn’t want less stress! Look around you — everyone seems in a near panic. Our frenzied life style
is without an end. There’s more to do the next day and the day after. How do we accomplish all we have
on those endless “to do” lists? We live in a world where electronics has increased our activities
threefold, maybe tenfold. We text in restaurants, read emails on the street as we’re walking, bluetooth
(hopefully using bluetooth) in our cars, ear buds constantly in our ears. Our minds are in a whirl every
second. When we try to sleep our brain/computer is still on fast mode. How do we take the stress level
down several notches.
Again, some stress-relievers come down to female friendships. Don’t be afraid of starting new lives and
always covering each other’s backs. Men tend to use events and sports to relax. Women need good
friends. The connection between the mind and the body is so close. Dreaded illnesses are thought to be
related to unremitting stress and loneliness that keeps us in a frazzle day in and day out. I do believe
that our minds can cause diseases to occur.
Women who grin and bear an abusive (physical, emotional or mental) relationship and stay in it for a
long time might be enabling a physical ailment within themselves. Talking to friends you trust can
alleviate some of the pressure.What is better than an evening of meeting up with your friends for a glass of wine(tea or coffee) for quality discussions? Now I don’t mean unending conversations about our
grandchildren and children unless there are new revelations about the topic you want to share (you
might limit that to ten minutes). There are so many other topics to cover. Politics, new concepts about
aging, books, theater, movies and even the issue of romance among mature people. Go to a movie with
friends and discuss it afterward.
A new theory is that dancing can be valuable in keeping Alzheimer’s at bay especially if you keep
learning new steps. My favorite is the cha-cha. I choose it as a symbol of liberation, finding new and
better ways of living and finding your own soul.
Remember, friendships aren’t meant to be a crutch to lean on. Rather it’s a means to enlighten and find
yourself. It’s a way to find the best there is within yourself and move on to bigger and better things.
