“I Married My Mother/Father” : by Fran Metzman

So, if we have not self-examined the past and how it affected our present-day behavior, we might
be attracted to a mate with the worst negative traits that your caretaker had. You may well have
duplicated your early childhood to get, in the present, what you missed getting as a child. Most
times, your mate is unaware that he/she is being looked to as the rescuer. And, more than likely,
your mate is doing the same thing to you. IT IS A RECIPE FOR DISASTER!

When this happens, very soon, two people are banging head. Neither is able to achieve the
emotional fulfillment that they crave. Should we refuse to get married? I don’t think that’s
necessarily the answer, but if two people decide marriage is not for them, they make a conscious
decision to work it out without the traditional trappings.
So many times I’ve heard people say that their husband/wife reminds them of one or both of
parents or guardians. If you had difficulty with your parents, you might be dragging all the old
baggage into the present.

What we need to do is question and examine why we’re getting married and to whom? Why is
this man/woman compelling. This person and your romantic chemistry must be examined with a
fine tooth comb. After that, the two should discuss the conclusions each has come to. Since
romantic chemistry can lead you astray and is very complex, you might choose to do this with a
qualified therapist.

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